I hate cleaning!

I hate cleaning with a vengeance. Heck, I hate cleaning with anything! It seems such a horrible waste of a day. I mean, why spend time cleaning that could be spent lounging around on the beach instead? Oh yeah, that's right. No cleaning equals a dirty home and nasty pongs. Not good.

My biggest objection to cleaning is the fact that most of the mess isn't mine, but caused by my two naughty cats. Leo throws his food around everywhere, especially his biscuits. He likes to evict the green, vegetable-flavoured ones from his bowl. Liberty feels obliged to tunnel towards Australia every time she uses her litter, leaving mounds of it all over the floor. Of course, they sometimes help with the cleaning, too, by licking up anything tasty that gets spilled on the kitchen floor.

This morning was no different. I got up to the usual hideous mess. I used to have one of those little handheld vacuum cleaner things, which made light work of the cleaning up. Sadly, I made the mistake of buying a cheap brand. It conked out. So, I now have to do it the good old-fashioned way, with a pan and brush. Ugh! Too much like hard work. But not for much longer. I have my eye on a lovely, sparkly new Dirt Devil. I can't decide between the Accucharge Stick Vac or the Accucharge Hand Vac. What do you reckon?



Whichever one I get, not only will it save me a lot of time and energy, but it will also lower my carbon footprint, as the Dirt Devil Accucharge cleaners are the first handheld ones to earn Energy Star approval. They use 70% less energy than standard handheld cleaners, and I'm sure I'll be expending at least 70% less personal energy using one of them, instead of the pan and brush. Now, if only cats could be trained to use a Dirt Devil...

PhotoHunt - Emotion(s)

This week's PhotoHunt theme is Emotions(s). I thought I'd interpret the theme somewhat liberally. I don't have any pics of me looking in any way emotional. I have some suitable pics of family and friends, but they don't want their pics online. So, I've decided to use some appropriate pics of my cats. And don't anyone dare tell me that cats don't have emotions :). They do!

The first shot shows my cat, Leo, adopting a rather aggressive pose. It's his "I'm an angry rock star, fed up of having cameras shoved in my face" pose.


Here he is again, with a look that suggests indignation and a little anger. I don't think he likes having his photo taken.


This is a rare shot of him grinning widely for the camera. Stay away from those teeth. They're sharp - I know. Ouch!


Here's my other cat, Liberty, also having a jolly good old laugh. No idea what the joke was, as they wouldn't tell me. Probably something along the line of "how many humans does it take to change a litter-box?"


Here she is again, looking very pensive and contemplative. Or is she just eyeing up a wiggly caterpillar?


Here's Leo again, looking decidedly hostile. Note the narrowed eyes - definitely a "get that thing out of my face, stupid human" look.


Here's Liberty, looking positively outraged and offended by the intrusion of my camera lens. What is it with cats and cameras?

Oh well, that's all for this week, folks. Have a lovely weekend - and don't get too emotional!

Diet woes!

I know how she feels!

More cat pictures

Awwwww!

Isn't this little kitten gorgeous? Anyone who says 'no' - be warned. I'll make a voodoo dolly of you and stick pins in it!

Image: I Can Has Cheezburger

Too cute!

Aren't they gorgeous? If you're not going 'aaaaawwwwww' right now, you're a mean, horrid, nasty critter!

Image: I Can Has Cheezburger

PhotoHunt: Shoes

Almost forgot PhotoHunt again this week. It's getting to be a bad, nasty habit!

So, on to this week's theme - I'm not especially in the habit of photographing my shoes. I don't own any dainty kitten heels, as I have arthritis, and would probably break my neck if I tried to walk in heels. So most of my shoes tend to be very practical - and not especially sexy. However, someone I know absolutely loves my shoes, and has spent many a long hour playing with them. She especially likes my slippers, as they're nice and soft - and easy to fight.

I'm talking about my cat, Liberty. Although she's almost fifteen now, she still loves a good fight with a slipper. And when she's not fighting them, she likes to warm her toes in them.


She eventually destroyed this pair of blue moccasins. Luckily, they were only cheap things, not real leather.




And when she's not warming her toes in them, or fighting my slippers, she likes to take a good sniff. Eeeeeeeeewww! Rather her than me!


Anyhow, that's my PhotoHunt for this week. Have a lovely weekend!

The dangers of cosmetic surgery

Have you ever wished someone could just take away those age lines, and make you look young again? Well, folks, make sure you choose your surgeon wisely!

Pic: I Can Haz Cheezburger?

PhotoHunt: Candy

Oh poo! I almost forgot about this week's PhotoHunt. Never fear, here I am, with some very tenuous, and arguably, desperate links to this week's theme.

Here are some nice, candy-pink jasmine flowers, which sneak over the wall every summer, from my neighbour's garden. The scent is very powerful, and makes my garden smell like one of those New Age, hippified shops. Is there such a word as hippified? Well, there is now!





And stretching the theme even further, here's my sweet-as-candy cat, Liberty, sitting next to some candy-pink hardy geraniums. See? I told you my links were rather tenuous and desperate.





Have a lovely weekend, everyone!

Heads or Tails Tuesday - Any Tom, Dick or Harry

Despite my computer woes, I've decided to battle on this week, and get back into the swing of blogging, participating in my usual weekly memes. Skittles, a.k.a. Barb, is the host of Heads or Tails Tuesday. If you want to take part, click the logo above.

This week's theme is 'Any Tom, Dick or Harry'. Well, I don't know anyone called Harry, and the only Tom I know should have been called Dick, if you catch my drift. I had an uncle called Dick, who sadly passed away about twelve years ago, but I didn't know him that well, so I can't really write about him, either. So what to do?

Well, 'Tom' doesn't have to be someone's name, does it? It could be an abbreviation of 'tomato', or it could be a male cat. On the subject of male cats, here's demon kitty, my tom, Leo. And yes, that is one of my make-up brushes he's eating.


Regular readers of this blog will be aware of some of the problems I have with this tom cat. He bites, he scratches, and is the most goddam insolent cat I've ever known. Tell him off for anything (jumping on the table or the kitchen work surfaces, stealing food, scratching the furniture, dragging the table linen off the dining table, etc) and he will spin around, fix you with the most baleful glare imaginable, and yowl at you. This is no Lolcat!

If he was a full tom, I might understand some of his aggression. But he's been snipped. Maybe that's the reason for his aggression - revenge! No matter who you are, whether you're royalty, or any old Tom, Dick or Harry, cross this fellow and you'll feel his wrath. Wrath, in this instance, is shorthand for 'bloody great claws and huge, whopping fangs'. Anyone want a cat? You're welcome to him, but I'd have to check you out first, because despite his evil ways, I wouldn't send him off to live with any old Tom, Dick or Harry. Yeah, that was a bit lame - but so am I, after all the times that evil cat has shredded my legs.

Happy Tuesday!

Pooty-cat!

I was feeling pretty miserable, until I found this in my feed reader, a couple of minutes ago. If this doesn't make you smile - you're an even more miserable old so-and-so than I am!

Image: I Can Has Cheezeburger

Ena Sharples reincarnated!

For non-Brits, Ena Sharples was a character in the long-running British soap, Coronation Street, for many years. She was played by the late Violet Carson. This is her:



I have proof, beyond all reasonable doubt, that she has been reincarnated. Look:

more Lolcat pics

My cats have a blog

Oh no! I knew it would happen. My cats have discovered how to start their own blog. Visit them over at the Lair of the Grimalkins. Be afraid. Be very afraid ...

A scary thought just hit me

Please may my demon kitty, Leo, never learn to drive. And there's no way I'm letting him see this.



That cat has enough evil thoughts as it is!

Wordless Wednesday

Leo - summing up how I feel today.

Wordless Wednesday.

Wordless Wednesday on, um, Wednesday

The last two images are courtesy of I Can Has Cheeseburger. I'm hoping the weather will improve enough for me to get out and take some new pics soon. Happy Wednesday!

Heads or Tails Tuesday: I want a divorce!

That's it. I've had enough. I'm seriously considering serving a certain someone with divorce papers. The grounds? Domestic violence and unreasonable behaviour. Well, if we can divorce husbands on such grounds, why not cats?

So what does this have to do with this week's Heads or Tails Tuesday theme (any of the five senses), you may ask. Well, the following tale involves all of them.

First of all, look at what my Leo did to me the other night, as I got out of bed. What a sight, eh?

Excuse the goose-pimples - I took this pic after a bath.

I wasn't aware of his presence in the bedroom until I heard him yowling and banging on things for attention. I flung the bedding aside, and sat on the edge of the bed, ready to get up and attend to He-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed. I suddenly felt the most excruciating pain imaginable, as my sense of touch went into overdrive. The little bastard darling had launched a crazed attack on my leg, wrapping himself around it tighter than a boa constrictor, whilst sinking in all his fangs and claws. He must have really been enjoying the taste of my leg, as he refused to let go. I had no choice but to haul him off me by the scruff of his neck, and fling him a few feet away from me. Before I could inspect the damage, I saw him making a second approach, so I threw a slipper at him. It missed, but he got the message, and immediately demanded to be let out. I then spent a very painful night trying to get back to sleep, with my leg smelling profusely of antiseptic cream, and feeling like it had done battle with a sabre-toothed tiger.

I don't know why he does these hateful things. He hasn't been evil for a long time. But I can never truly drop my guard with him, because he has such a Satanic streak. Here's additional proof of his dark, supernatural side.


BTW, my leg now looks even worse than it did in this pic, as the bruising has turned a lovely, black-grape colour. On the subject of He-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed, he's now demanding to be let in. Let me just find my chainmail jeans...

The Blue Meanie and the Snuggler

A couple of visitors to my PhotoHunt have enquired what cat breed my Leo (a.k.a the Blue Meanie) is. In all honesty - I really don't know. He was rescued from a rooftop when he was about three months old, by my friend's neighbour. He was seriously ill with cat flu at the time, and was taken to a local vet's surgery, from where I adopted him once he was well enough. As far as I know, he had been living in a colony of strays/ferals before he was rescued. He was always accompanied by a black and white female cat, who presumably was his mother. So I doubt very much if he's a pure-bred Russian Blue or Korat. I suspect he may have a pedigree father, and going by his personality, I'd say his dad was a Blue Burmese, although very many people, including two vets, have mistaken him for a pure-bred Russian Blue. But he just doesn't have the gentle, laid-back character of the Russians. He's too naughty, wilful and boisterous.

As for Liberty, also known as the Snuggler, although she often appears to be a black and white tuxedo cat in her pics, her darker fur is actually a very unusual, two-tone grey. Her undercoat is a silvery-grey, and the outer tips of her fur are a dark charcoal colour, which turns an intense navy blue when the sun catches it. As a result, her darker fur is a very unusual, dappled, two-tone grey colour.

PhotoHunt: Important

This week's PhotoHunt theme is IMPORTANT. So, I thought I'd show you some pics of the two most important members of my household - the cats. Well, they seem to think they're the most important members, anyway.

First up is Liberty. She's fourteen now, and has kidney disease. But she's still pretty lively and playful for her age. She's a little bit out of sorts at the moment, as she's getting over a mild bout of flu. Here she is resting on my bed a few days ago.



Despite being an elderly lady, she's still very interested in everything that happens around her, and her eyes grow huge whenever she sees something that catches her attention.



Here she is, sitting on my lap first thing in the morning (excuse the hideous pyjama bottoms), giving me one of her adoring looks. She's a very sweet-natured, affectionate girl. In fact, she's so affectionate, I often have to fight her off. The other cat, Leo, torments the living daylights out of the poor old girl, so she likes to seek refuge from him on my shoulder.



This guy, Leo, thinks he's the most important thing in the whole world. He's a very arrogant and bossy cat, who likes to have his own way for everything.



He's seven years old, and still full of mischief. In fact, he's one bad cat! Favorite tricks include ripping open human legs, chewing holes in human arms, smashing ornaments and climbing onto the kitchen counter to claw holes in all the fruit in the fruit bowl. He bullies Liberty terribly. He thinks he's so important, he tries to hog all the cat food, and does his best to sleep in two furry radiator beds at the same time, just to make himself feel more important than Liberty. He's a large, muscular cat, who launches sudden attacks on humans. When he locks onto a leg or arm, he has to be hauled off by the scruff of his neck. I call him Pitbull Cat.



Here's a rare shot of them together. As you can see, Liberty doesn't look too happy at having Leo so close to her. She was lying on the end of the bed, near my feet. Then, Leo came along, and because he thinks he's more important than her, he pushed himself in between me and her, in order to be closer to me.



Oh well. I guess my interpretation of this week's theme is a little lame and tenuous. Blame the great British weather. I haven't been able to get out and about with my camera for weeks, so I've no new pics to post. Have a lovely weekend, wherever you are!

Wordless Wednesday - Say Cheese

Hurries up! I's sick of smilin'!

Help save cats from certain death

***URGENT***

I have just read a horrendous story in today's Daily Telegraph. Hundreds of cats will soon be crushed to death by diggers at the new Olympic Park site, at Stratford, in East London. The Games' organisers are neglecting them to focus on rescuing a population of newts, according to former supermodel Celia Hammond, who runs animal rescue charity the Celia Hammond Animal Trust. She says the authorities are being “obstructive”, by refusing access to the site for would-be rescuers. To read the full story, click here.

I am utterly aghast that something so inhumane and despicable is about to happen in twenty first century Britain. This is not the Middle Ages or the Dark Ages. Or is it? British politicians were quick enough to raise an outraged clamour about Chinese and Korean people cooking and eating cats and dogs. Yet, they've remained suspiciously silent about the impending slaughter of these innocent creatures, the majority of whom will be tiny kittens and nursing mothers. Could that silence have anything to do with the huge sums of money the government hopes to generate during the Olympics? I'm sorry, but to me, the cats are far more important than pomp, ego and oiling the wheels of capitalism. And no, I'm not a Communist - I just hate to see profit being put before life.

There's a petition on the Celia Hammond Animal Trust's website. Please sign it, to try to save these cats. You don't have to be from the UK. Christmas is coming, which is meant to be a time of peace and humanity, yet these poor kitties are all going to die a hideous death unless something is done to save them.

Sign the petition now!